yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
