Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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