Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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