Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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