Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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