i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
