You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
