im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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