no. you can't hotbox the world.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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