dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
