just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
