this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
