How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
