of course. lets lasso hookers.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
