I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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