The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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