We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
