I need help removing her.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
