hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
