why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
