Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
