I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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