my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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