you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
