Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
