dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
