You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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