We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im part way to drunk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
