i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
