when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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