have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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