Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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