brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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