when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
