apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
