I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You are a genius and a whore.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
