she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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