Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
