I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
