she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
