Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
