I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
