end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
