I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
