im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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