I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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