i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Vodka?
Forever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
