I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He better not be in your backpack
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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