then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
