My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
