I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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