I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
