I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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