If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
