When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
