I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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