man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
