I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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