Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
