Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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