How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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