Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
