I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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