I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
