Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
