it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
