I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
