i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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