Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
